Sunday, January 11, 2009

Dating Adventures and Advice for Men

We are going to take a little detour today on the blog. Yeah, I went running yesterday, bike riding today and my tail bone still hurts from last week's snowboarding, but that stuff is boring. Today it's all about dating and men.

Friday night I went out with my friends and saw this poster in the girl's bathroom. I thought it was hilarious. It pretty much describes our basic needs. Well, maybe everything except the cooking, because we are usually on a diet anyway.

But in reading this I realized I have been missing the mark on almost every point. And I never even got to experience point number six. Bummer.

Well that's all about to change. My standards are getting higher. So for practice, I am doing a lot of "turning down." I try not be mean, because I realize it takes some guts for a guy to ask a girl out in the first place, but I'm finding it easier to be upfront from the beginning rather than go through the slow painful process of trying to make someone go away.

My roommate turned me on to this great blog called ManSlations. Not only is it quite humorous, it's really giving me the insight into how men think....or should I say.....don't think. They seem to have similar patterns when it comes to women and having a clue about their reactions is quite enlightening. Because of this I'm toughening up. And to help guys out, I've set down some guidelines to follow when pursuing women in general. Hopefully this will help save some future embarrassment. So here they are....

1. Don't tell her she looks like X, Y or Z movie star. It doesn't matter how beautiful the actress is, we women want to think we are unique and we ARE unique. Besides we may not even know who you are talking about and then have our attention stuck on who this mystery person is that we apparently look like. This happened to me Friday and I really didn't like it. I was related to Tracy Pollan and Stephanie Graf. When I finally looked at their pics on the web, I was like, "NO WAY." So just don't do it. It is NOT FLATTERING even though you might think so. Do yourself a favor, and just ZIP IT.

2. Don't play the "shy" card. This guy Friday night told my friend that he liked me but was too shy to tell me so she told me. Huh? What does that tell me? L...O...S...E....R! We want a guy who is assertive and confident, not a wiener. We'd rather you make a fool out of yourself and be brave than be afraid. I lost all respect for the guy before I even knew who he was. Don't let that happen to you.

3. Alright, so maybe it is a bit scary for a guy to go over and talk to a girl in a bar. But if you made the effort, stick with it. Friday night, this really nice guy from Jamaica came over to tell me how beautiful I was (we love that by the way) and invited me to go on a date with him in Jamaica. I wasn't super interested, but I think I would have at least chatted for him a bit to get to know him better. However, he said, "OK I'll leave you alone now" and left. ???? What was that all about? He didn't even give it a chance. It was probably nerves because I don't really think I had bad breath. I don't know. Translation to me: Q...U...I...T...T...E...R. Not good. So if you start something, finish it.

4. This one may not happen much but it happened to me so I thought I'd mention it. After I had turned a guy down, he started doing this thing where he said, "I saw you checking out X. You want me to go get him for you?" First of all he was wrong. He didn't know where I was looking and secondly, it was kind of creepy that this guy was observing me THAT MUCH. P...S...Y...C...H...O is what that one spells. Stay far far away. If she turns you down, just move on. Don't make a big deal out of it. We'll only think you are crazy.

5. If she tells you she is not interested or not attracted to you, leave it alone. There is no reason to elaborate our reasons. It's like saying, "Why don't you like mushrooms?" Or, "Why don't you like spinach?" Through our own individual experience we've learned what we like and what we don't like and telling you any of this is only going to invalidate you. I mean if you like to be abused, then go for it. But realize we don't want to go there, just as you probably wouldn't want to do that to a woman. Besides it's a sure sign of I...N...S...E...C...U...R...I...T...Y.

6. This should be a no-brainer but I'm going to mention it because it happened. No matter how charming you are, never ask about having a threesome.

7. Probably the most important of all....If you say you are going to do something, do it. Manslations educated women are going to be watching this one very closely. We will judge you not by what you say, but by what you do. So if you say you are going to call her, you damn well better call her.


ReriVeritas said...

Hey Lisa!

I'm so proud of you and happy that you found a decent Crossfit in FL. I better keep working hard, so you don't come home and kick my ass!

You go, girl!

ReriVeritas said...

Hey Lisa,

Got your comment on the Crossfit Blog today.

Remember Fight Club? Didn't you want to do that after you saw it? I think Crossfit satisfies that urge in any of us who did.